I was never bullied at school. I wasn’t picked on or teased. I had friends. In fact I was friends with everyone. But no one ever saw that I wasn’t okay, not even myself. Kids around me would get upset and cry because they were picked on or teased and bullied for no reason. Because no wanted to play with them or they were doing bad in class or whatever the reason was. The thing is, none of that happened to me. I had it pretty good at school, I still do. But I did have to come home to a farther that was gone for days on end and a mother that was mad at the world for a reason I couldn’t yet understand. My brother was older and I guess he felt than what I feel know. The hopelessness and the emptiness, not understanding the point in trying to fix something that was already broken. But I was too young and naive to understand that my family was already gone and there was nothing I could do to change it. They were lost. I had no real family. Everyone else had given up and I was the only one trying. And as time passed, they moved farther and farther on. My father became an alcoholic. My mother became someone I don’t recognize. My sisters both moved out to live a life of their own. My oldest brother has started to lose hope in the world and more importantly himself. And my other brother. The brother who was always there to hold me when our parents fought and screamed. Who told me he would never hurt me…did exactly that. He became consumed in drugs and alcohol and ended up destroying our family more than I could have ever thought possible. I was the youngest of five who was always trying to fix things. Who laughed and smiled and never lost hope, no matter what. I tried and I tried. I tried the best I could. But in trying I let the one thing I swore I would never let happen…happen. I become my farther. I became my mother. I became my sisters and both my brothers all in one. I have given up hope and given in to addiction. I cause more harm than I do anything else. I am angry at the world for the secrets I have had to keep and the lies I have had to tell. All to keep my family happy and so that no one on the outsider would ever suspect something was wrong. I have come to hate the world and the society we live in. The rules we must follow and the expectation to be perfect no matter what. I’ve come to hate it all. I hate it all so god damn much.